#FOWC – Page 10 – Tina Stewart Brakebill

The View

December 16, 2018January 29, 2020 Tina Stewart Brakebill

Watching the girl clean was bringing back memories. And looking out over the water didn’t help. It sent her mind back as well. So instead of fighting it, she let the past flood her senses. Tasting the anger and resentment just as she had all those years ago.

Angry that she had been forced to cycle up the hill every day and park her ancient bike next to two barely driven Mercedes. Resentful that the big house had breezes and sea views and fully stocked kitchen when her home had none of that.

But that anger and resentment had fueled her desire. And that desire had worked like magic on the old man. And he was finally gone. Probate had been a bit hairy. But the daughter had finally been convinced that the will was air-tight. The house and the cars and the breeze and the view belonged to her now. Well, to her and her boy.

And now she could smell desire wafting off that girl. She had worked too hard to get here. She was not about to share what was hers with some whore from down the hill. The girl would have to go. One way or another.

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Inspiration for this 200 word piece of Flash Fiction provided by the following:

Photo Credit: Anurag Bakhshi courtesy of Sunday Photo Fiction

With a little help from SoCS Prompt (hairy) and Fandango’s Word of the Day (cycle)

Haiku & Other Poetry, tutto e niente

The Keep

December 10, 2018January 29, 2020 Tina Stewart Brakebill

the silent keep waits

and as the moon exploded

the sacred stood free

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Thanks to the following for the inspiration.

Scott Daily Prompt (keep) and FOWC (free) and One Daily Prompt (sacred) and Putting My Feet in the Dirt (as the moon…)

Flash Fiction, History, tutto e niente

buon viaggio*

December 7, 2018January 29, 2020 Tina Stewart Brakebill

It happened every time. It was like a gift that kept on giving. It had been more than fifty years but every time Peter saw the damn thing it felt like yesterday. He could still feel the shame of that moment.

Susan knew this. But she still insisted they all go to the Ringling Museum every time any of the extended family visited Florida. (Susan would claim that she’s not insisting. Only encouraging. Always using the same argument: “It’s their heritage. It’s YOUR heritage. Enjoy it. Embrace it.”)

He wanted to refuse, but he never could say no to her. But still he hated the sight of that damn thing. Seeing the family name emblazoned on the front just made it worse. It reminded him that his failure was bigger than just himself. He had let down a whole damn legacy.

He tried to stop the memory but it refused to be ignored. It all came back. He had been so excited. Watching the driver as he parked the truck in its designated spot. Replaying each practice shot in his mind. His anticipation building until finally the time came. He climbed aboard. His grandfather Hugo whispered a quiet “buon viaggio” and then he was off.

Flying out of the cannon like a volcanic eruption of hot white ash. And for a brief moment, he had felt glorious. He remembers that too. (Which makes it harder to forget.) And then nothing. Not even pain. Just a blinding white flash in his mind. The pain came later. Followed by years of unanswered questions.

Was the dummy the wrong weight? Had it gotten wet? Did the driver park in the wrong spot? Was the net too small? Was it in the wrong location? He never found out. All he knows is that every time he comes here, he relives the shame. Because Susan is wrong. It’s not his heritage he can’t accept. It’s his failure to live up to his heritage that he can never let go.

grayscale photo of wheelchair — Photo by Patrick De Boeck on Pexels.com

Several of today’s word prompts reminded me of a photo that’s been sitting on my desktop for months. I’ve been waiting for the muse to strike and today it did. So thank you to the following:

Fandango’s Word of the Day (driver) and Word of the Day Challenge (eruption) and One Daily Word Prompt (gift)

The cover photo is from the Ringling Museum in Sarasota, Florida. Taken during a visit by the author (me) or her loving spouse. But definitely color-changed by me. (It would look better if he did it!)

*The story is a work of FICTION.

But it is inspired by some real people. First off, the Zacchini family. Hugo Zacchini was the first person to use a compressed-air cannon, which had been invented by his father Ildebrando Zacchini in 1922. Soon after, Hugo and his brothers went to work for the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus. Hugo was a fascinating guy—circus performer and artist with an engineering degree and a Master’s degree in Art. Look him up! Most of Zacchini kids and grandkid’s followed Hugo and his brothers into the circus biz. To my knowledge NONE of them ended up paralyzed. My fictionalized Peter is loosely based on another Ringling performer named Elvin Bale. In 1987 he overshot his landing because his test dummy had been wet (thus heavier) and ended up paralyzed. It’s a dangerous gig. An estimated 30 people have died over the years.

Random Rants, tutto e niente

Writing that Novel: Block, Break, or Bail?

December 4, 2018January 29, 2020 Tina Stewart Brakebill

November was NaNoWriMo. And many people in my sphere (be it virtual or irl) participated. Me? I went another route. I didn’t add a single word to my novel-in-progress. And as we enter December, I continue to not write. If this not-writing goes on much longer, it may necessitate a designation change from novel-in-progress to novel-not-in-progress. Seriously, how long can I say I’m working on it, if it’s sitting untouched in a drawer?

One week? One month? Six months? One year? Forever?

The most frustrating aspect of my current stall is that I’m not really sure what’s behind it. Am I having writer’s block? Did I just need a break? Or am I trying to tell myself it’s time to bail (or bale for my UK friends) on the project?

It (the stall) started innocently enough. I’m nearing the end of the first draft and I know it needs some work. Among other things, I’m not sure whether my original narrative structure is working. So in late October, I did two things to address these concerns. I asked my writing accountability partner (and published novelist) to read and comment on the entire manuscript. And I submitted some pages to a writer’s conference. In early-November, I was rejected by the conference, so no help from them. But that same week, I got an excellent critique from my accountability-partner reader. Her comments, criticisms, and suggestions were spot-on. But they also reaffirmed some of my concerns. Bottom line: it still needs a lot of work.

In my pre-fiction (and let’s be honest-my younger) writing days, I immediately would have been fired up by the feedback. I am (or was) one of those weird writers that really enjoys the process of editing and rewriting. Pulling apart, restructuring, fine-tuning—love(d) it all! But this time, the thought of all that ripping and rebuilding left me a bit exhausted. So I keep putting it off.

Thanksgiving. Magazine assignments. The weather is nice. Read blogs. Write haiku. All perfectly good reasons not to start back TODAY.

Tomorrow. I’ll start back tomorrow. I promise! (I said just last night.)

So this morning was going to be that tomorrow. I absolutely was going to open up my novel and get back to work. The timing was perfect. My magazine assignments were submitted. Today’s calendar was completely empty. It’s foggy and rainy outside. I was READY to go! Then I saw Teresa’s picture prompt. I am obsessed with monkeys. I LOVE them. They make me happy. And that fabulous photo was all my brain needed to “forget” my original plan. Monkey thoughts filled my mind. But even as the monkey endorphins pumped me up, I caught sight of the manuscript pile on my desk and guilt flooded out my happy monkey vibe.

Doubt returned. Seriously, was tomorrow ever going to come?

So I’m back to my questions.

BLOCK?

Am I just dealing with a bit of writer’s block? If so, I should just sit down and WRITE! Even if it’s crap and I delete it all, it will get my juices flowing. Just WRITE has always been a winning strategy.

BREAK?

Did I just need a break? That’s possible—I had been on an intense streak the prior few months. Lots of writing hours at the expense of other things. Maybe my brain and body are forcing me to reevaluate the notion of BALANCE. A lesson I’ve never been able to master. If so, I should stop beating myself up. Enjoy my leisure time. Write for my blog. Read for fun. Binge watch The Great British Baking Show. Happy ho ho ho and all that. And jump back into it in January.

BAIL?

Am I ready to bail? No! Or maybe yes. NO!!! I don’t know. Quit avoiding the question Tina! Which is it?

OK. OK. I’m such a pain in my own a$$. I’ll try to answer.

If I’m being honest (one of my fave Paul Hollywood phrases), I can’t claim to have writer’s block when I haven’t even tried to write. It’s not as if I’m staring at the screen with a blank mind. I haven’t even opened the document in over a month! But am I seriously thinking about bailing on the whole project? Do I really think that I could let it go? I don’t think so. (?) I’ve been working on it for over a year. I don’t think I’m ready to just dump a year’s worth of effort.

So?

I think (or maybe feel—not sure which is dominate at this point) that I’m committed to finishing it. I still like my basic idea. And I’m not afraid of hard work. But I have to be honest, I’m just not ready to jump back into right this minute. So maybe I’m just on a break?

I guess we’ll see in 2019.

Any words of wisdom or support from the blogosphere will be welcomed! Meanwhile enjoy these adorables.

Thanks to The Haunted Wordsmith for the wonderful monkeys. I don’t blame you for my continued procrastination 😉